Addictions

$ayzak · Post by **$ayzak** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 3:47 am

I almost titled this "Addicts", but I don't want to attack anyone, so I'm going to write about addictions (something we're all subjects to) instead. I really need to get some of this off my mind.

My view of the world has expanded exponentially in recent years. It's almost breathtaking to absorb reality as I understand it now compared to the way I saw when I was a child. And to think, I was supposed to accept reality, and base the rest of my life off of that assumption. I feel bad for anyone who still blindly lives their life in such monotony.

In school I was taught that addicts were bad, dangerous people. But I was related to some. So I had to expand what I was willing to accept. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, I was dealing with my own addictions which flew under the radar because my addictions were good for society.

While I was developing bad habits in school, drinking coke before I went to sleep, and chewing my finger nails -- right along side my peers -- I watched them judge the people closest to me who had the kind of addictions you hear about in magazines and on TV. I was still only a kid, but I could feel the hypocrisy bubbling along with the unnatural liquid in my stomach.

My best and worst addiction is thinking "too" much. While most people are "doing" I am busy analyzing. I learn the best from other people's mistakes. While I save myself a lot of pain, and money, I am also missing out on some experiences.

Other people are addicted to other things, such as tragedy, romance, laziness, adventure, work, or exercise to name a few. Their addictions restrict them from certain aspects of life while making them an expert on another. And just like the substances, it's possible to be addicted to more than one. That's how you get video gamers who chew their nails and drink too much coke, and are too lazy to do anything else, but they'll climb a mountain of pop cans and sell their soul to keep their video game addiction alive and well.

Why do people allow themselves to fall into such grooves? Is it an identity thing? Do people's habits literally become their sense of self? Could I maintain my sanity if I put myself in an environment where I could not think to the extent that I am used to? Could I adjust without losing my mind? If I wanted to (that's the funny thing about addictions) could I break this? I obviously don't want to. But before I allow myself to feel any conviction about that choice I aught to consider reasons that (hypothetically of course) I may want to break my thinking habit.

I can feel the inevitable and reflexive impulse to start blaming people, or attack those who's addictions are far more damaging to themselves than mine are to me. Are hypocrisy and ignorance part of human nature, or is the nature I speak of a product of society? While my head aches severely from a caffeine drought and I sit awake at 2:30 in the morning typing on my computer, I can't help but feel like I am preaching to the choir. I want to say it must be a matter of human nature, but that would be throwing in the towel. I want to believe I can be aware of, and control this. But I'd have to admit my faults, and risk my addictions first.

If my "little" addictions are this hard to break, how could I ever seriously hope that those who subject themselves to far more extreme addictions ever break their habit? Over the years I have offered a willingness to break my own -- and succeeded -- to show them they are not alone. But my ability to quit drinking coke for a period of time, and stop chewing my nails, and turn my 0.5 high school GPA into a college degree didn't inspire anyone. It seemed to have the opposite affect. It's as if other people's success made them feel like they're that much less of a person, and that much more defined by their addiction.

So here I am, between jobs, suffering a caffeine headache, squinting my eyes before a bright monitor, wishing that other people had the insight and will to change.

What's the point?

CollapsingVisionary · Post by **CollapsingVisionary** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 9:44 am

i think theres a difference between bad habits and addictions.

once you start biting your nails untill they bleed, or if you cant eat/sleep without biting your nails, you might have a problem.

Drums · Post by **Drums** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 11:00 am

chill out you addict, go get some help.

CatCity · Post by **CatCity** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:41 pm

i wish i could find the article about robin williams

mystoneybaby · Post by **mystoneybaby** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:42 pm

I'm going to go george orwell on this passage when i get home.

KyleRayner · Post by **KyleRayner** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 5:58 pm

turn it into an allegory involving farm animals?

mystoneybaby · Post by **mystoneybaby** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:16 pm

Shiny · Post by **Shiny** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 1:41 am

dude, burritos man, they know

311Baybee · Post by **311Baybee** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 1:52 am

$hiny wrote:dude, burritos man, they know

its all about the cheese man, i mean, you will struggle through it, but the calcium within will keep you going.

Shiny · Post by **Shiny** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 5:53 pm

man, in this donut track shaped reality, you gotta just do your best, not your hardest. its all just cyclical my dear sayzak.

311Baybee · Post by **311Baybee** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 6:49 pm

thats all life is really about, doing your best, not trying your hardest. the doughnut shaped track of life can leave you feeling tired, and if it leaves you feeling flat, you can just use your spare tire, otherwise known AS a doughnut to help you keep moving along. making the best of it. the best.